So because people like to tell me I am not perfect & I should learn to recognise I am not the centre of the universe, here is a list of my imperfections:
1. I am fat & not particularly attractive because of how much I weigh. BUT I am doing something about this.
2. I am a bitch - yep & newsflash, so are most people when pushed to it.
3. I tend to care too much about friends - sad but true - and then because I am worried say or do the wrong thing unintentionally.
4. Ties in with 3 in that I can sometimes misinterpret things.. WHOA.. like that never happens to anyone else!
5. I am a stubborn mule & when it comes to some things, I will REFUSE to seek help.. just ask my husband.. how long have I felt like I have a thin veneer of pasted on happiness I show the world, while on the inside, I am miserable, lonely & so afraid of doing or saying something that will be taken the wrong way, I usually end up doing just that. Sadly for my husband (& even my real, true friends), I am so good at hiding how I really feel, he probably has no idea to the real extent of how wretched I feel & how much I truly hate myself. Why hide it? because I keep being told over & over, that I have nothing to be sad about, that my life is "perfect" and I have no reason to be depressed.
6. I mull over bad things repeatedly which makes me even sadder and hate myself even more.
7. I am finding it harder & harder to concentrate on the good things in my life, like my beautiful children..
And while I can go on.. I can't.. I write this at work & I am going to completely lose it if I dont stop.
Just a note as well, some of you may be going, OMG this chick is bi-polar or something of the like, but no I know I am not that.. I am depressed ALL of the time, there are no wonderful highs that people who are bi-polar get. And I have also been tested, because for a while I was worried thats what was wrong with me.
No comments:
Post a Comment