Grabbing the bull by the horns

So yes had a bit of a rant the other day and can honestly say I have now tried everything to see if/when/if I said or did something offensive.. not that this particular friend would be easily offended. Although she does have lots on her plate & that can make someone super sensitive. Sadly in my case it does cause me to think even less then usual before opening my mouth(and given how much I do have going on at the moment.. well.. has probably happened a bit more then normal)! Which is why I have grabbed the bull by the horns & asked her flat out. No answer.. which to me says either she is definitely NOT talking to me anymore & doesn't even think it worth telling me that it was for whatever reason, or... well actually I don't know another reason.
  OK update, just got a reply.. she reckons all is fine & she just has lots going on.. but given that usually she is chewing my ear off trying to de-stress, well. I have my doubts. Will see how things go.. another update.. she has just said she is sick of talking about the same shit over & over & its driving her up the wall.. sad fact is that the stuff we talk about, is all ANY of us have to talk about.. our husbands, our kids, our work (or lack there of), whats on TV what movies we wanna see etc etc.. its the stuff that life is about.. so saying you are sick of talking about it pretty much means you may as well lock yourself in your house & shut the doors & windows, don't turn on the TV & wait to die.. and it's also pretty bloody self centred to say well I am sick of talking about the same stuff, so we won't talk at all.. but don't worry cause you know, we are still mates.. but then my question is.. are we? because if you don't wanna talk about the same stuff, it pretty much means I can't talk to you and de stress.. doesn't it?!
 
  I am currently reading Anne of Green Gables by L Maud Montgomery. It was always a fave of mine (well the mini-series) as a kid & even now, I can   imagine myself away there.. and of course I always had the biggest crush on Gilbert Blythe! Who didn't! and actually having seen him in the last of the series.. well.. he is still alright in my book ha ha. Actually my husband kind of reminds me of him.. and the other 2 guys I had crushes on as a kid.. Jonathan Knight & Matthew Lloyd.. LOL..

Week 2 Weigh In

Well after an up & down week (ok who am I kidding, mainly down) due to illness, family illness & crappy work situation as well as pretty much no exercise, I miraculously lost 1.2kg, bringing my total to 4kg in 2 weeks.. gotta be happy with that! Add to that I also lost 14.5cm and I was pretty stoked. So thats the good news.. on to the bad...

Does anyone of the few people who read this blog find it hard to open up & make friends? Because I do.. I find it really hard. I am one of those people who once I do open up, will do anything for my friends and I will treat them like family. I have been taken advantage of in the past ofcourse, so I am even more cautious now. But I, like most people get lonely & it is nice to have someone (apart from your husband ofcourse) to talk to. Sadly, I seem to spend most of the time listening to the other persons problems & not really getting to voice what is going on in my world.. and now ofcourse, I have served a purpose & have been cut out. What makes it so hard is that we have things in common & I don't feel that I should have to stop going just because she has decided I have done something (& believe me I have racked my brains trying to figure out if I have done something wrong.. and I come up with nada.. because if I have, I am more then happy to own it) but it just makes life so uncomfortable.. so what to do? I don't know.. I am just hurt & feeling like, what is the point? Maybe I should just make up a friend & that way I can say whatever I like knowing that the other person isn't going to be oversensitive & tell me to bugger off for no real reason.
Ofcourse it could just be me.. maybe I suck as a friend.. yeah thats probably it, because in todays world of  how totally fucking great am I, I am not worshipping the ground they walk on enough.. maybe I didn't tell her how great her new fake boobs look enough.. well newsflash, I am not here to worship you & friendship is a 2 way street.

Rambling Rant over.

ARRRGHHHHHHHH

You'lll have to excuse the language in this post.. I am majorly pissed off..
Just found out the temp guy here has been given a fucking level 4 having only been here like 4 months.. I have been here nearly nearly 4 fricking years!! I work more then I want to (although still only part time) and for this I get punished!! So fucking annoying. Yes I know I can't have everything, but I am already given ALL the stupid drudge work & treated like a second class citizen because I chose to have kids.. I don't get to do ANY special projects & I spend my life doing glorified fucking data entry.. I MEAN WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE.. and bosses wonder why women who choose to have kids choose to stay out of the workforce.. it's because we get treated like we are incapable of doing our jobs anymore!

get me out of here

The perils of work...

So today is another morning tea at work for another collegues birthday.. May/June in my office is possibly the most nightmarish time for anyone considering a diet.. there are literally birthdays every day! And because we all have to provide morning tea, thats a LOT of calories to avoid. However, I am lucky that I am not here everyday so instead of facing the calorie nightmare here, I face the temptation nightmare at home!
  So today I decided to address things smartly.. I have changed the dinner tonight to something low cal (minestrone soup) and have sacrificed my other snacks during the day so I could actually participate in the morning tea without looking like a freak & having to explain why I wasn't eating (although, to be honest, I don't usually eat much in front of other people, I am a hidden binger).  So this all means I am improving right? Well hopefully.. :S

In other news, I have finished my last quiz for uni & now only have my exam to go.. I just hope there isn't too much on DEMS & TINs cause I am useless at that stuff!!

Sick...

So I have caught my kids cold.. hardly surprising given how much they have coughed and spluttered in my face! This fact is NOT helping my weight loss cause. In fact its making it even harder! All I want is to curl up with a hot Milo & a chocolate cookie.. not too much to ask right? Instead I am sitting here with a cup of tea & a banana.. and all I keep telling myself is Think Thin Think Thin.. think about that dress, think about actually being able to wear something sexy for your husband.. that's all I can do! But I am not exercising at the mo, there is only so much I can do when I am sick & while I can go without the yummy comfort foods, I do not have the energy or the willpower to exercise. Yes, this will affect my weigh in, but well, butt, you have a reprieve!

Side note: Currently reading "Centre Stage"by Judy Nunn (Kindle Edition) & loving it! Did I mention I love my Kindle!!

Blow Out

Yep.. had a bit of a blow out yesterday and it reflected this morning on the scales.. I have no excuses that make it OK.. but seriously being sick makes it HARD to stick to 1200 calories a day.. what I wouldn't give for a Brownes Mocha right now. But I better be good!

On unrelated news, I finished reading "Invasion, America" by Alan D Wing (Kindle Version) yesterday.. that man should have invested in an editor or at least a proof reader (spell check anyone?!), Having said that, I think that this book is a MUST READ for just about everyone.. if you think this couldn't possibly happen.. take a look at the news.. and tell me that it couldn't... or that Muslims or any other fruitcake faction out there wouldn't.. because if I remember correctly.. some fruitcakes HAVE flown planes into buildings, blown up night clubs, trains & buses.. all in the name of whatever cause they think worthy.

Weigh In Day

So yesterday was my first "Official Weigh in".. scary.. I had been weighing myself periodically for reassurance that the whole 1200 calories a day deprivation diet was working.. and thus far it was showing results. But there is always that fear that when its official and needs to be recorded, that you have managed to pile it all back on (despite being hungry ALL the time). BUT, I am pleased to say, that in fact, I have lost 2.8kg in 6 days (I changed weigh in day to Sunday instead of Mondays).. so yay!

Day 2 to 5 - Hunger is bad

Well its been a few days.. but that is just because i have had to concentrate on my uni work to get my last assignment handed in. Hopefully I pass. It's hard to know, cause the guy who marks changes what he wants more frequently then I breathe and ALWAYS after submission.
  But back to operation BANISHFAT. So I was doing really well, yesterday (being thursday) I had lost 1.5kgs in only 4 days.. BONUS! But then I crashed and burned people.. I ate choc chip biscuits.. only 3 but still.. I was sooo hungry I just needed to feel food in my stomach. I KNOW the whole point of this lifestyle change is to get skinny(ok, not skinny but at least a healthier weight!) & it nessecitates feeling hungry for a while, but when you have a deadline it is that much harder to be strong. I did however not get the jam & cream donut i was truly craving, so that constitutes a minor win.. doesn't it?
  I know I don't need vast amounts of food to survive (or for that matter fat, sugar & salt loaded) & today I start again (although I still have banished 1.5kg).. mmm cottage cheese...

More honest then I have EVER been.

So today is the first day of the rest of my life.. sounds corny right? Probably is.. but seriously, I have been blaming my fatness on everything under the sun as a way to keep enjoying all those YUMMY foods I LOVE. I'm a size 22 and I weigh over 115kg and I am (nearly) 32 years old.. I have 2 kids & 2 dogs & a great husband who I know I am blessed to have. He can look past the ever expanding fat rolls to see who I am and not many men could do that.
  Yes I do have some hormonal issues which seem to make losing weight hard, but deep down I am just too lazy.. so this blog IS ME BEING HONEST FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER.. no one will probably read this, but thats ok.. this is me putting out there, that I am lazy, I like crappy food & TODAY that stops. TODAY I started the Biggest Loser Express Diet as my way to kickstart change because I can't stand looking at myself in the mirror anymore.  And it's no fun always being the fat one where ever I go.
  This is the FATTEST I have ever been (pregnancy excepted) and it is depressing. I look at myself & I want to cry. I am not the most confident person in the world & with every kilo that piles on, the confidence just drains away. Maybe it won't ever come back, but if I can lose some weight, then at least I can hold my head a bit higher.
  Excuse my ramblings, but I type what comes into my head.. :)

 See you on Day Two!