So I'm fatter than ever, I have no prospects and live a fairly solitary existence. How did I get here you ask? Easy - I have no will power, no friends and the economy is such that I have no chance of escape.
So the first is easy to answer, I have a screwed up metabolism thanks to the crappy set of genes I inherited from my parents. No matter what I do it makes no difference. But that's an old story and one I am sick of justifying. I like I food, I enjoy the new flavours and I am not going to apologise for not wanting to eat like a starving rabbit.
To the second point. I am surrounded by people constantly its true. But the 2 real true friends, those two wonderful people who I have been blessed to have in my life for nearly the past 20 years, are so busy with their own lives & families, that I don't want to bother them with this drowning feeling I seem to be sinking deeper into with every passing day. And honestly what could they do or say that would make it feel any better? My life is what it is.
And so to the third point... no prospects. When the economy takes a tumble lead by the very industry you work in, opportunities to go somewhere else dry up faster then a drop of rain in Perth. I've made a point of doing the very best I can at my job. I went out & got a degree to help my prospects. Even when there were heaps of jobs.. I still couldn't escape this place. And now.. well now we have new boss. One who has taken an instant dislike to me. One who is very determined in her efforts to keep me down. One who is making it clear that in fact my job is a waste of time and I'm only here at her pleasure. One who knows there is absolutely nowhere for me to go as I need this income.
And so I pass my days trying not to cry and digging my nails into my skin trying to feel something.. anything. Not even for my kids or my husband. I feel like I am surplus to requirements. That I have no place in this world whatsoever, Sure I am just one of 7 billion people on this planet, so what makes me so special and worthy of any special attention? Absolutely nothing... and would anyone really miss me if I was gone? Would my kids? Probably for a little bit but kids are resilient. They'd soon forget me.. maybe remember me on important days. And my husband? I'm sure he would meet someone else soon enough. Someone who is far more interesting and attractive then I. When did the relationship become me being there for him and never the reverse? If I am honest it has always been such. The idea of a balanced relationship is a lie. One partner will always sacrifice for the other. I have given up myself for him and for my children and their requirements and thus it shall forevermore be.....
And so I return to the mire of my life.. surrounded by people but always alone, working a job that I once used to love and a slave to my own misery.
