So I'm fatter than ever, I have no prospects and live a fairly solitary existence. How did I get here you ask? Easy - I have no will power, no friends and the economy is such that I have no chance of escape.
So the first is easy to answer, I have a screwed up metabolism thanks to the crappy set of genes I inherited from my parents. No matter what I do it makes no difference. But that's an old story and one I am sick of justifying. I like I food, I enjoy the new flavours and I am not going to apologise for not wanting to eat like a starving rabbit.
To the second point. I am surrounded by people constantly its true. But the 2 real true friends, those two wonderful people who I have been blessed to have in my life for nearly the past 20 years, are so busy with their own lives & families, that I don't want to bother them with this drowning feeling I seem to be sinking deeper into with every passing day. And honestly what could they do or say that would make it feel any better? My life is what it is.
And so to the third point... no prospects. When the economy takes a tumble lead by the very industry you work in, opportunities to go somewhere else dry up faster then a drop of rain in Perth. I've made a point of doing the very best I can at my job. I went out & got a degree to help my prospects. Even when there were heaps of jobs.. I still couldn't escape this place. And now.. well now we have new boss. One who has taken an instant dislike to me. One who is very determined in her efforts to keep me down. One who is making it clear that in fact my job is a waste of time and I'm only here at her pleasure. One who knows there is absolutely nowhere for me to go as I need this income.
And so I pass my days trying not to cry and digging my nails into my skin trying to feel something.. anything. Not even for my kids or my husband. I feel like I am surplus to requirements. That I have no place in this world whatsoever, Sure I am just one of 7 billion people on this planet, so what makes me so special and worthy of any special attention? Absolutely nothing... and would anyone really miss me if I was gone? Would my kids? Probably for a little bit but kids are resilient. They'd soon forget me.. maybe remember me on important days. And my husband? I'm sure he would meet someone else soon enough. Someone who is far more interesting and attractive then I. When did the relationship become me being there for him and never the reverse? If I am honest it has always been such. The idea of a balanced relationship is a lie. One partner will always sacrifice for the other. I have given up myself for him and for my children and their requirements and thus it shall forevermore be.....
And so I return to the mire of my life.. surrounded by people but always alone, working a job that I once used to love and a slave to my own misery.
Monday, 22 February 2016
Wednesday, 27 November 2013
Book Bloggin' 27th November 2013
Finished: Elianne by Judy Nunn
I love a story that can capture you & take you on a journey. This is one such story. I loved it.. unfortunately I got in trouble for reading at work when I should have been working. But I just had to know what happened(in my pathetic defense, I was nearly at the end of the book at the time)!!
Judy Nunn has a special gift that enables you to be transported into the story & feel like you are a part of it, not just an observer on the outside. To feel that the characters are talking to you & you become fully invested in their story. Amazing stuff.
Elianne tells the story of the Durhams - sugar producing royalty in Bundaberg. It follows the discovery, by one of the curretnt generation of a secret so shocking that it may in fact tear the family apart. But it is this secret which ultimately reunite the family and bring them to a place of greater understanding. Great read!
Started: Bad Men by John Connolly
I had the privelege of seeing John Connolly speak when he came to Perth a month or so ago. He is an extremely funny man who has a unique gift when it comes to writing. In a similar way to Judy Nunn he can capture you and make you care about the characters. In addition he is a gifted writer who can make words sing a tune that leaves you begging for more.
I love a story that can capture you & take you on a journey. This is one such story. I loved it.. unfortunately I got in trouble for reading at work when I should have been working. But I just had to know what happened(in my pathetic defense, I was nearly at the end of the book at the time)!!
Judy Nunn has a special gift that enables you to be transported into the story & feel like you are a part of it, not just an observer on the outside. To feel that the characters are talking to you & you become fully invested in their story. Amazing stuff.
Elianne tells the story of the Durhams - sugar producing royalty in Bundaberg. It follows the discovery, by one of the curretnt generation of a secret so shocking that it may in fact tear the family apart. But it is this secret which ultimately reunite the family and bring them to a place of greater understanding. Great read!
Started: Bad Men by John Connolly
I had the privelege of seeing John Connolly speak when he came to Perth a month or so ago. He is an extremely funny man who has a unique gift when it comes to writing. In a similar way to Judy Nunn he can capture you and make you care about the characters. In addition he is a gifted writer who can make words sing a tune that leaves you begging for more.
Monday, 25 November 2013
Book Bloggin' 25th November 2013
Finished: Armageddon(Kirov Saga) by John Schettler
So, here it is. The final in the current Kirov saga. Or perhaps not. After discovering that it is infact Karpov who is responsible for the changes in the timeline that resulted in the end of humanity, Federov and crew go back to 1908 in order to prevent him from making things even worse. Do they succeed? Do they prevent an even worse catastrophe? Well, who knows? Instead, the author spruikes a bunch of spin off series that may or may not be written. It is at this point I realised why he had introduced all the other new characters in the previous volume (they were not at all part of this volume, except in the epilogues, as a lead in to spruiking more books). It is as a way to make more money. Do not be fooled. There is no conclusion to this series (well not a truely defining conclusion anyway) rather a fade off to a sales pitch. I find myself rather disappointed as I truly enjoyed this series and sadly the ending felt like it was abrogated in place of a sales pitch so that the author can make more money from the multiple follow on series he has planned. It was like watching one of those tv sales pitches where if you buy one you get 2 for free!! Or don't worry no one gets hooked on drugs from just taking one, here take 2 instead & then you will be so hooked you won't care that there is no ending in sight! The sad truth for the author was he would have made more money from me at least, as I would happily have bought any spin off series, but now, with how this book ended, I feel like these books have been nothing more then a cheaply disguised way to make money rather than an author who is writing books for the pure joy of it. John Schettler is a great author, but I won't be buying any more of his book as honestly this has left me feeling a little dirty and used.
Too harsh? Maybe, but honestly this series started off so fantastically and was written so well(on the whole at any rate, there were a few misses) that to have it end this way just screams at me that the author is happy to sell himself to make more money. Maybe not the effect he was hoping to achieve (I suspect he was rather trying to sell the new book ideas), but that is how it came across to me.
Started: Elianne by Judy Nunn
So, here it is. The final in the current Kirov saga. Or perhaps not. After discovering that it is infact Karpov who is responsible for the changes in the timeline that resulted in the end of humanity, Federov and crew go back to 1908 in order to prevent him from making things even worse. Do they succeed? Do they prevent an even worse catastrophe? Well, who knows? Instead, the author spruikes a bunch of spin off series that may or may not be written. It is at this point I realised why he had introduced all the other new characters in the previous volume (they were not at all part of this volume, except in the epilogues, as a lead in to spruiking more books). It is as a way to make more money. Do not be fooled. There is no conclusion to this series (well not a truely defining conclusion anyway) rather a fade off to a sales pitch. I find myself rather disappointed as I truly enjoyed this series and sadly the ending felt like it was abrogated in place of a sales pitch so that the author can make more money from the multiple follow on series he has planned. It was like watching one of those tv sales pitches where if you buy one you get 2 for free!! Or don't worry no one gets hooked on drugs from just taking one, here take 2 instead & then you will be so hooked you won't care that there is no ending in sight! The sad truth for the author was he would have made more money from me at least, as I would happily have bought any spin off series, but now, with how this book ended, I feel like these books have been nothing more then a cheaply disguised way to make money rather than an author who is writing books for the pure joy of it. John Schettler is a great author, but I won't be buying any more of his book as honestly this has left me feeling a little dirty and used.
Too harsh? Maybe, but honestly this series started off so fantastically and was written so well(on the whole at any rate, there were a few misses) that to have it end this way just screams at me that the author is happy to sell himself to make more money. Maybe not the effect he was hoping to achieve (I suspect he was rather trying to sell the new book ideas), but that is how it came across to me.
Started: Elianne by Judy Nunn
Wednesday, 20 November 2013
Book Bloggin' 20th November 2013
Finished: Between Silk & Cyanide: A Code Makers War by Leo Marks
This was a hard book to read. The author had a disjointed way of writing that sometimes felt like you were trapped between thoughts flitting through his head. However, it was an eye opening account of the bumbling & ineptitude as well as the in fighting that ultimately cost the lives of many agents dropped into Europe, but Holland in particular. While I knew vaguey of the other side of the coding fence (Bletchley) I did not know about this which was essentially the coal face, with Leo Marks being the wise (but ignored generally) leader of the pit crew. How different things may have turned out had his suspicions (later confirmed) been believed at the beginning.
Started & Finished: Bittersweet by Colleen McCullough [Audible version]
I decided to use my free audible.com credit to buy this book as it was nice & long & suited the work I am doing at the moment (no thinking required - so I could concentrate on the story). This overall was a great reading of a good story. It follows the 4 Latimer girls ( 2 sets of twins) as they leave the cosseted world of their father and begin to explore the world and learn more about themselves. As a means of escepe they become trainee nurses and as the years progress they discover more & more about themselves and each other. It ended on a bit of a sudden note which was disappointing as it felt like the 4 girls had finally all just gotten to the point that they were happy... but then maybe that was the point. I don't know it just felt like it could have gone on a bit more for my liking.
Started: A Brief History of Britain 1066-1485 by Nicholas Vincent [Audible version]
Armageddon (Kirov Saga) by John Schettler
This was a hard book to read. The author had a disjointed way of writing that sometimes felt like you were trapped between thoughts flitting through his head. However, it was an eye opening account of the bumbling & ineptitude as well as the in fighting that ultimately cost the lives of many agents dropped into Europe, but Holland in particular. While I knew vaguey of the other side of the coding fence (Bletchley) I did not know about this which was essentially the coal face, with Leo Marks being the wise (but ignored generally) leader of the pit crew. How different things may have turned out had his suspicions (later confirmed) been believed at the beginning.
Started & Finished: Bittersweet by Colleen McCullough [Audible version]
I decided to use my free audible.com credit to buy this book as it was nice & long & suited the work I am doing at the moment (no thinking required - so I could concentrate on the story). This overall was a great reading of a good story. It follows the 4 Latimer girls ( 2 sets of twins) as they leave the cosseted world of their father and begin to explore the world and learn more about themselves. As a means of escepe they become trainee nurses and as the years progress they discover more & more about themselves and each other. It ended on a bit of a sudden note which was disappointing as it felt like the 4 girls had finally all just gotten to the point that they were happy... but then maybe that was the point. I don't know it just felt like it could have gone on a bit more for my liking.
Started: A Brief History of Britain 1066-1485 by Nicholas Vincent [Audible version]
Armageddon (Kirov Saga) by John Schettler
Monday, 28 October 2013
Book Bloggin' 28th October 2013
Finished: On the Steel Breeze by Alastair Reynolds
The second in a planned trilogy following the Akinya family and humanities first steps out of the Solar System. Elephants feature heavily in the first book of this series and they are also present in the second. What their role is at this point, still remains to be seen. It does seem though that the fate of the Akinyas(and therefore humanity as a whole, or at least those on the holoships) and the elephants is closely related.
This book is set another generation into the future than the previous installment with vast caravans of holoships (cored out asteroids) travelling to a planet in another solar system to investigate & colonise a new planet which has some "alien made" features, the primary reason for choosing that planet as one of the first new planets for colonisation. The Akinyas were responsible for this push to move out of the Solar System in both construction of the holoships and development of a new type of physics which enable the ships to travel further and faster then ever before.
I really enjoyed this book. Obviously it is the bridging book in the trilogy and while there is a jump in time, the central characters are still there, albeit in machine form. How and why they are so important will hopefully be revealed in the final book.
I like that when you read one of Alastair Reynolds books, the truth is given out in little parcels, allowing you some satifcation in connecting dots, but not so much that you can prematurely draw the whole picture!
Started: Between Silk & Cyanide: A Codemakers War by Leo Marks
The second in a planned trilogy following the Akinya family and humanities first steps out of the Solar System. Elephants feature heavily in the first book of this series and they are also present in the second. What their role is at this point, still remains to be seen. It does seem though that the fate of the Akinyas(and therefore humanity as a whole, or at least those on the holoships) and the elephants is closely related.
This book is set another generation into the future than the previous installment with vast caravans of holoships (cored out asteroids) travelling to a planet in another solar system to investigate & colonise a new planet which has some "alien made" features, the primary reason for choosing that planet as one of the first new planets for colonisation. The Akinyas were responsible for this push to move out of the Solar System in both construction of the holoships and development of a new type of physics which enable the ships to travel further and faster then ever before.
I really enjoyed this book. Obviously it is the bridging book in the trilogy and while there is a jump in time, the central characters are still there, albeit in machine form. How and why they are so important will hopefully be revealed in the final book.
I like that when you read one of Alastair Reynolds books, the truth is given out in little parcels, allowing you some satifcation in connecting dots, but not so much that you can prematurely draw the whole picture!
Started: Between Silk & Cyanide: A Codemakers War by Leo Marks
Monday, 21 October 2013
Book Bloggin' 21st October 2013
Started: On The Steel Breeze by Alastair Reynolds
The second part of the Blue Remembered Earth trilogy.
The second part of the Blue Remembered Earth trilogy.
Monday, 14 October 2013
Book Bloggin' 14th October 2013
Finished: Malory Towers Series by Enid Blyton
I loved re-reading this series. There are six books in all following the school career of Darrell Rivers as she moves through each year at Malory Towers, a fictional school on the Cornwall coast. From a modern standpoint, some of the goings on are quite quaint as is the speech. Equally, some things may be viewed as offensive by some (although not by me!). Recently alot of Enid Blytons books have been rewritten and "modernised" but I think honestly, that they should be left alone. They are a window into a different time, when the standards were alot higher in regards to the responisbility of parents and the role they play in shaoping who their children will become. And it is so true, so many parents are willing to blame this that or the other if their child is not behaving, instead of taking responsibility for their actions and trying to educate and improve them. I try my best with my kids and these books have always had a deep affect on me, especially when combined with how I was parented. It is a true fact that the child is a reflection of the kind of attention and support a parent gives them. I only hope that I am managing to do that with my children.
Started & Finished: The Wanderer in Unknown Realms by John Connolly.
A short story by an author I am excited to be going to see in a couple of weeks! A supernatural thriller that is very much in the vain of his Charlie Parker novels but based shortly after the first world war. A good read and really quite creepy.
Started & Finished: Just South of Rome by Judy Nunn
Another short story. I really enjoy these short stories by Judy Nunn. They are always highly entertaining!
I loved re-reading this series. There are six books in all following the school career of Darrell Rivers as she moves through each year at Malory Towers, a fictional school on the Cornwall coast. From a modern standpoint, some of the goings on are quite quaint as is the speech. Equally, some things may be viewed as offensive by some (although not by me!). Recently alot of Enid Blytons books have been rewritten and "modernised" but I think honestly, that they should be left alone. They are a window into a different time, when the standards were alot higher in regards to the responisbility of parents and the role they play in shaoping who their children will become. And it is so true, so many parents are willing to blame this that or the other if their child is not behaving, instead of taking responsibility for their actions and trying to educate and improve them. I try my best with my kids and these books have always had a deep affect on me, especially when combined with how I was parented. It is a true fact that the child is a reflection of the kind of attention and support a parent gives them. I only hope that I am managing to do that with my children.
Started & Finished: The Wanderer in Unknown Realms by John Connolly.
A short story by an author I am excited to be going to see in a couple of weeks! A supernatural thriller that is very much in the vain of his Charlie Parker novels but based shortly after the first world war. A good read and really quite creepy.
Started & Finished: Just South of Rome by Judy Nunn
Another short story. I really enjoy these short stories by Judy Nunn. They are always highly entertaining!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)